22:44 Apr 22 2020
Times Read: 1,016
Sean Shut In Stuff Lame Humor Day!
I think we all need a laugh. Here is some funny jokes. Feel free to share yours.
MAKING LOVE
The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above da bed in ecstacy."
The Frenchman replies. "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That aint nothing. When I've finished porkin the ole lady , I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling"
Next...
Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says "Do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" Pirate replies "Aye, it's driving me nuts!"
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Two fish are in a tank, and one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
Rudolph's wife is looking out the window at the dreary Moscow day. "I think it's going to snow, dear." she says. "No," he replies, "it's going to rain." "But it's too cold for rain," she states. "Look," he retorts, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
(that was my favorite joke when I was maybe 5 years old)
The pope, a boy scout, and George Bush are all in a small plane. The pilot enters the passenger cabin and says, "Sorry for the inconvenience, we're going to crash. We only have three parachutes. I have survival and first aid skills, so I can help whoever parachutes out." He takes a parachute and jumps. George Bush jumps up and grabs the next parachute, "I'm the leader of the free world and the world's smartest man!" He jumps out. The pope looks at the scout and says, "Son, I've lived a long and full life, you take the parachute and I'll gracefully go meet the Lord." The boy scout laughs and says, "The heck with that, padre, the world's smartest man just jumped out of the plane with my knapsack!"
And last one...
An atheist was walking through the woods...
"What majestic trees! "
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very Well," said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
COMMENTS
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LZAPERVERT
03:21 Apr 28 2020
LMAO
Liliancat
08:36 Apr 28 2020
wine o clock indeed
Liliancat
08:36 Apr 28 2020
i think i have turn chocoholic and coffeeholic more than i used to be lol
LORDMOGY
13:30 Apr 28 2020
SweetPrincess
21:15 Apr 28 2020
*cheers*